May 27, 2009

It's Not Unusual to be Loved by anyone... is it?



After having a conversation with one of my Aunts last night, sobering reality decided to stop tapping me on my shoulder for attention. Instead, it sucker-punched me and knocked me on my behind. Another holiday goes by and I have no one special (in the amorous/romantic way) to spend it with. It gets particularly rough for me during the holiday times of the year because I sincerely want to be in a relationship, but as many of you don't know (or you might), gay men can sometimes become weird creatures when approached about the subject of commitment.

I have been single for 7 years now and I'm starting to feel it. I have been on several dates with several different men and none have had that "spark". I am either more interested in them than they are in me or vice versa. Not willing to compromise my principles, I have resolved that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life. That prospect didn't seem so real until last night. My Aunt is in her 50's and has never been married. She is well-educated, well-off (although she started a second career to avoid boredom), and retired at a very young age. She has a sharp mind, is attractive, and is comfortable in her skin but she's single. As we talked at length last night, she reminded me that her rearing compels her to want to be married or at least be in a LTR. Mine, too. I want to share my life with someone who complements who I am.

I don't have a litany of requirements, no idealized type, and no deal-breakers (except for marriage or someone who is already in a relationship). So why am I single? Wish I knew the answers. Part of the reason I think, is my inability to become vulnerable to people early on so they can get to the real me. I mean, let me be clear, I don't hide my personality behind a facade, but I also keep my innermost feelings guarded. Emotional hurt is very real and quite painful. The other reason is that I haven't met a man that I have very much in common with. Those that I do, we typically become friends.

The one person who I do have so much in common with and we complement each other so well is one of my very best friends... a heterosexual woman! We even jokingly call each other husband and wife and our mutual friends agree. In fact, at a family reunion, some of my cousins (who apparently didn't get the memo that I'm homosexual) asked me when were we going to get married. I laughed, she laughed, but my cousins didn't get it. She and I could never be intimate (which is one of the ways love is expressed) because I am simply not stimulated by women.

It's also interesting to note that I have a number of friends who are in the same category as I am and while they are single, they aren't lonely. They at least appear to be happy with who they are at this point in their life and I admire them for it.

So, to all of my fellow single folks out there gay, straight, or other, I hope 2009 brings you all that you want, including that special someone to love.


In the meantime, continue loving yourself.

7 comments:

thegayte-keeper said...

I LOVE HOW YOU SAY YOU CAN'T CONFORM TO ANYONE'S IDEA OF A RELATIONSHIP TO BE IN ONE...I WAS SINGLE FOR 3 YEARS AND I KNOW IT CAN BE A CRAZY TIME, BUT I'VE LEARNED THAT YOU CANNOT ALLOW BEING SINGLE MAKE YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH...YOU'VE STEPPED UP, NOW THE OTHERS JUST HAVE TO FOLLOW SUIT...

Curious said...

I have nothing for you. I could spout a whole bunch of cliches that I've heard that you probably know already and have dismissed as I have done. What I will say is what you said, "continue loving yourself." Perhaps the best thing I've heard in a long time.

Miriam said...

That was so wistful. I wish I could do something...

insidejamarifox said...

I am single and have been for a number of years. I thought something was wrong with me but it wasn't me because I am GREAT. It is the men I was dating. I dated, at the time, some guys who had no respect for me. So I started working and loving myself and now I am at my peak ... and the men are coming out the woodwork for my attention. Everyone has their time.

You could be in dead end relationships like a number of my friends. At least you are single and in a relationship with yourself until "he" comes along.

ToddyEnglish said...

I believe that when we're single lady kismet is preparing us for our match. You will meet that special person in due time. Don't allow yourself to settle for anything less than you're worth.

Anyway, loved this post. I can totally relate.

Cheers!

The Virgin said...

I completely understand where you're coming from on this subject. I have the exact same problem, and my page is devoted to figuring that out. Sometimes it sucks to be a gay male that actually wants a relationship, but I believe that eventually we can all find someone. We just have to be patient, which is a chore in itself.

Bob said...

A fallow field yields a richer harvest the next time something grows there.

You'll know when you meet him, you'll look at him and say, "So where have you been?", or he may say that to you.

It's easy to cloud your vision with someone who is available but not suitable. Make good decisions.